perhaps I should take advantage of the fact that it's a holiday weekend and I have some downtime by posting something.
And yet... I'm having mixed feelings about even leaving this blog up, let alone continuing to post to it. And I don't have any idea what to say that might be interesting. The semester is going very well - busy, stressful, exhausting, etc, but good. And I've very much enjoyed having the week off to just chill out and get work done without other obligations. And I'm even more looking forward to winter break. But... I have no idea what I'm doing after May, nor what I want to do. There are so many variables, and for every option I think of, there are pros and cons.
So, instead of any sort of long, angsty, rambling about those decisions, or boring rambling about school, how about a list of some random things for which I'm thankful? It seems appropriate, given the time of year.
So, in no particular order, ten things I'm thankful for:
1. The cat curled up in my lap right now. She drives me nuts sometimes, but I still think she's the cutest thing on the planet, which balances out my ridiculous dog, for whom I'm also thankful.
2. The person for whom I cooked dinner yesterday.
3. The people I didn't eat dinner with yesterday - the friends and the family.
4. A very clean, festively-decorated apartment with no roommate for a couple days.
5. The fact that it hasn't snowed yet.
6. The new boots and the nice warm coat that I have for when it does snow.
7. My poetry workshop, and my Shakespeare class, and my eighteen undergraduate creative writing students.
8. The chance to be in an MFA program, to change direction in my 30s and try to do what I wanted to do all along.
9. The fabulous, beautiful, amazing life I left behind to come here, even though I miss it with a palpable ache some days, like today, when I put up my holiday decorations. I'm thankful that I had a life good enough to miss, that this weird place I am now is not the best place I've ever been.
10. Everything I have and everything I don't, the combination of gratefulness for what is and desire to make things better.
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Friday, November 26, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
After a long absence...
I am finally posting on my blog again.
My summer has passed through a few distinct phases, which I'll try to summarize, and it is now winding to a close. A month from now, fall semester will have already begun.
Phase 1 was the one in which I last posted. I read a lot, relaxed a lot, hung out with friends, wrote, and ran.
Phase 2 was two glorious weeks away from this town. I spent ten days in California and didn't want to leave, then spent a long weekend in Columbus before returning to PA. San Francisco was fabulous, and Berkeley was beautiful, and M and I had a wonderful time. Columbus was also an excellent time in which I ate a lot of good food and hung out with a lot of old friends.
Phase 3 was rather unpleasant and unhappy, in that I had to adjust to being back here and get ready to teach class. I also decided in that time period to take Spanish this summer so there were logistics to be worked out with that. And I started thinking more about what to do after the MFA; my conclusion, subject to change as always, is that I'm going to apply to just a couple of PhD programs in creative writing, as well as apply for other types of things as well. Hence me taking Spanish; most of the PhD programs require a foreign language competency. Phase 3 ended with my pilgrimage to Comfest back in Columbus. A wonderful hot weekend and another which I did not want to leave.
Phase 4 began on June 30th when I started teaching and on July 1st when I started my Spanish class. What I've been doing since then is getting up at 6:00am every day (M-F), catching the bus at 7:30, spending 8:00-12:25 in Spanish class (it's a summer intensive course, which basically goes through a semester of Spanish every 2.5 weeks. I skipped part 1 since I took Spanish in the past, part 2 was the second elementary level, and part 3 which I'm doing now is intermediate), then going to my office to eat lunch, prep for class, have office hours, etc, then teaching 2:20-3:35 and then either walking or taking the bus home and getting back between 4:00 and 4:30. Then I do homework, grade papers, and maybe read or write. M moved in here last weekend, just temporarily, because his old lease ended before his new one began. It's going well.
I'm actually really loving my Spanish class and really wanting to go to Spain next summer. I also am enjoying my teaching assignment this summer, though the room is small and hot; the students are smart though and interested and mostly unjaded. I get to teach creative writing this fall. Definitely exciting, but I also need to plan a new course. If you have suggestions for readings or activities, let me know. Particularly in the realm of fiction because that is not my genre of choice. I'm more comfortable talking about poetry or nonfiction.
What have I read? I don't even remember. I read a lot during that third part of my summer: some memoirs, some poetry, some fiction. Outstanding things I remember reading were Audre Lorde's memoir "Zami: A New Spelling of My Name - A Biomythography" and the poetry collections "Late Psalm" by Betsy Sholl and "Bright Felon: Autobiography and Cities" by Kazim Ali.
So that is summer in a nutshell. Busy, mostly good, and going all too fast.
My summer has passed through a few distinct phases, which I'll try to summarize, and it is now winding to a close. A month from now, fall semester will have already begun.
Phase 1 was the one in which I last posted. I read a lot, relaxed a lot, hung out with friends, wrote, and ran.
Phase 2 was two glorious weeks away from this town. I spent ten days in California and didn't want to leave, then spent a long weekend in Columbus before returning to PA. San Francisco was fabulous, and Berkeley was beautiful, and M and I had a wonderful time. Columbus was also an excellent time in which I ate a lot of good food and hung out with a lot of old friends.
Phase 3 was rather unpleasant and unhappy, in that I had to adjust to being back here and get ready to teach class. I also decided in that time period to take Spanish this summer so there were logistics to be worked out with that. And I started thinking more about what to do after the MFA; my conclusion, subject to change as always, is that I'm going to apply to just a couple of PhD programs in creative writing, as well as apply for other types of things as well. Hence me taking Spanish; most of the PhD programs require a foreign language competency. Phase 3 ended with my pilgrimage to Comfest back in Columbus. A wonderful hot weekend and another which I did not want to leave.
Phase 4 began on June 30th when I started teaching and on July 1st when I started my Spanish class. What I've been doing since then is getting up at 6:00am every day (M-F), catching the bus at 7:30, spending 8:00-12:25 in Spanish class (it's a summer intensive course, which basically goes through a semester of Spanish every 2.5 weeks. I skipped part 1 since I took Spanish in the past, part 2 was the second elementary level, and part 3 which I'm doing now is intermediate), then going to my office to eat lunch, prep for class, have office hours, etc, then teaching 2:20-3:35 and then either walking or taking the bus home and getting back between 4:00 and 4:30. Then I do homework, grade papers, and maybe read or write. M moved in here last weekend, just temporarily, because his old lease ended before his new one began. It's going well.
I'm actually really loving my Spanish class and really wanting to go to Spain next summer. I also am enjoying my teaching assignment this summer, though the room is small and hot; the students are smart though and interested and mostly unjaded. I get to teach creative writing this fall. Definitely exciting, but I also need to plan a new course. If you have suggestions for readings or activities, let me know. Particularly in the realm of fiction because that is not my genre of choice. I'm more comfortable talking about poetry or nonfiction.
What have I read? I don't even remember. I read a lot during that third part of my summer: some memoirs, some poetry, some fiction. Outstanding things I remember reading were Audre Lorde's memoir "Zami: A New Spelling of My Name - A Biomythography" and the poetry collections "Late Psalm" by Betsy Sholl and "Bright Felon: Autobiography and Cities" by Kazim Ali.
So that is summer in a nutshell. Busy, mostly good, and going all too fast.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Hello, my poor abandoned blog
I have survived my first year of graduate school, and although I have plenty of work to do this summer (reading for fun, reading for my thesis, writing and revising for my thesis, planning and later teaching a summer class, planning a fall class, etc.), I may also make more time for posting on my blog.
Last week I turned in my poetry revisions, and my seminar paper; I'd submitted my last nonfiction piece the week before. And I taught my last English 15 classes. I went to a party for my nonfiction class. I went to the MFA Variety Show, which was a fantastic time, and I went out afterward with some of my classmates, and we sat on the patio at Mad Mex and drank beer and enjoyed the nice weather and the knowledge that we'd made it through a year of grad school.
M. went back to California today - he's probably in flight right now - and I'll be flying out there in three weeks to see him. I'm greatly looking forward to that trip, to see him of course, but also to see San Francisco and Berkeley.
I've started my summer reading list. I'm still actively soliciting suggestions to add to it - poetry, especially, but any and all genres as well. The first thing I'm reading is Annie Dillard's An American Childhood. I love her writing so far, but I find myself wanting her to be conscious of, and reflective on, class and privilege; she does reflect a little on race, and her privileged position as a white child. I'll see how the rest of the book comes together and report back more in-depth then.
Also, in the arena of things on which I am to report: there is supposed to be a new Thai restaurant in the plaza near my apartment. I plan on stopping there on my walk back from campus today, and I promised M. I would issue a full report. Neither of us are holding our breaths, and we remain nearly as disappointed with State College's food as we were this past fall. We've discovered a few gems, but very few. Yet another reason to look forward to my SF trip, and the time I'll spend in Columbus.
Speaking of food, I am starting to get hungry, so I'm going to gather up my books and run a couple errands downtown, then head back toward home and pad thai. (On, and on the issue of walking, I've decided that I won't buy a bus pass for summer, just a roll of tokens. That will make me walk unless it's bad weather or unless I have a lot of stuff to carry. It's about 40 (hilly) minutes to get to Burrowes, perhaps less to where I'll be teaching this summer. Good exercise!)
Last week I turned in my poetry revisions, and my seminar paper; I'd submitted my last nonfiction piece the week before. And I taught my last English 15 classes. I went to a party for my nonfiction class. I went to the MFA Variety Show, which was a fantastic time, and I went out afterward with some of my classmates, and we sat on the patio at Mad Mex and drank beer and enjoyed the nice weather and the knowledge that we'd made it through a year of grad school.
M. went back to California today - he's probably in flight right now - and I'll be flying out there in three weeks to see him. I'm greatly looking forward to that trip, to see him of course, but also to see San Francisco and Berkeley.
I've started my summer reading list. I'm still actively soliciting suggestions to add to it - poetry, especially, but any and all genres as well. The first thing I'm reading is Annie Dillard's An American Childhood. I love her writing so far, but I find myself wanting her to be conscious of, and reflective on, class and privilege; she does reflect a little on race, and her privileged position as a white child. I'll see how the rest of the book comes together and report back more in-depth then.
Also, in the arena of things on which I am to report: there is supposed to be a new Thai restaurant in the plaza near my apartment. I plan on stopping there on my walk back from campus today, and I promised M. I would issue a full report. Neither of us are holding our breaths, and we remain nearly as disappointed with State College's food as we were this past fall. We've discovered a few gems, but very few. Yet another reason to look forward to my SF trip, and the time I'll spend in Columbus.
Speaking of food, I am starting to get hungry, so I'm going to gather up my books and run a couple errands downtown, then head back toward home and pad thai. (On, and on the issue of walking, I've decided that I won't buy a bus pass for summer, just a roll of tokens. That will make me walk unless it's bad weather or unless I have a lot of stuff to carry. It's about 40 (hilly) minutes to get to Burrowes, perhaps less to where I'll be teaching this summer. Good exercise!)
Friday, March 5, 2010
Spring Break
It may be evident by the fact that I haven't posted here since the very beginning of the semester that I've been busy. That is certainly true. It's been a difficult semester. The first four weeks or so, I felt quite often that the only thing that was going well was teaching and sometimes poetry workshop. I was just not comfortable in my other classes, and I felt out of my element. I eventually settled into them and feel pretty good about everything right now, but it was a process and made for a difficult eight weeks and made me very glad last night to leave my professor's reading and say "I am officially on Spring Break!"
I'm not going anywhere for break, and I have lots of work to do over the week, but it will be very nice not to have any scheduled obligations, to sleep in and stay up late and drink wine, to go running during the warmest part of the day. It's also supposed to be about 50 degrees for at least part of next week, which might finally melt all the snow, which is super exciting. I am really looking forward to warm weather!
Break has been good so far. Last night after the reading, five of us went to go see "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" at the State Theatre downtown. It was a really quirky, lovely movie, and the theatre is nice - one of those old-fashioned single-screen theatres with a balcony and a stage so they can also host musical performances and other events. I got home around midnight last night, and stayed up for awhile. I woke up this morning with no alarm, walked the dog, drank coffee, ate a "penalty donut"*, worked on poems, submitted one set to an online journal, then did some lesson planning for the week after break. Went for a 3.5 mile run later and it was sunny but chilly, and windier than I'd realized so my eyes were watering like crazy. Ate leftover tofu curry and channa saag for dinner (M had stayed over on Wednesday and I'd cooked dinner), and I think I'm going to soon pour some wine and try to work on my next nonfiction submission.
I've been doing a lot of thinking this semester about what I want to do after the MFA. It's a two year program so once I got through the milestone of that first semester, I had to start realizing that I was already a quarter of the way through and should probably give some thought to what to do next. I'm still contemplating applying to Lit PhD programs, but now leaning more toward applying to PhD programs that offer a creative dissertation option OR just taking my MFA and trying to get a fixed term position at Penn State for the standard three years (or possibly four if I could swing it). The one thing I know for sure is that I want to teach. Like I said, my teaching was sometimes the only thing I felt good about earlier this semester, and I've been having a really good experience with this class. I actually had a really good day regarding teaching earlier this week. I'd applied to teach in the LEAP program this summer, and I got assigned to the section I'd requested. It's a section that's paired with a Photography class, so I'm really excited to work with some creative kids and plan cooperative lessons with the other instructor. Later that day, I also got my SRTE scores from fall (the quantified student evaluations) and they made me really happy. So I'm looking forward to an exciting, challenging, fun summer teaching assignment, and I should get to teach creative writing in the fall, and it's incredibly nice to know that at least this one thing consistently feels good and right to me.
*Oh, and to explain the "penalty donut" - a fellow instructor has a rule that if anyone's cell phone goes off in class, that person has to bring a snack for everyone on the next class. A student had to do this yesterday and brought in way too many donuts, so the instructor was giving them away afterward, and I took one home for this morning. I may institute that rule myself in the summer.
So, I am going to do some work now and hope to have a similar day tomorrow and most of the next week - sleep in, coffee, write, run, more work. Rendezvous with M at some point. Other social engagements as they occur. Yay, spring break!
I'm not going anywhere for break, and I have lots of work to do over the week, but it will be very nice not to have any scheduled obligations, to sleep in and stay up late and drink wine, to go running during the warmest part of the day. It's also supposed to be about 50 degrees for at least part of next week, which might finally melt all the snow, which is super exciting. I am really looking forward to warm weather!
Break has been good so far. Last night after the reading, five of us went to go see "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" at the State Theatre downtown. It was a really quirky, lovely movie, and the theatre is nice - one of those old-fashioned single-screen theatres with a balcony and a stage so they can also host musical performances and other events. I got home around midnight last night, and stayed up for awhile. I woke up this morning with no alarm, walked the dog, drank coffee, ate a "penalty donut"*, worked on poems, submitted one set to an online journal, then did some lesson planning for the week after break. Went for a 3.5 mile run later and it was sunny but chilly, and windier than I'd realized so my eyes were watering like crazy. Ate leftover tofu curry and channa saag for dinner (M had stayed over on Wednesday and I'd cooked dinner), and I think I'm going to soon pour some wine and try to work on my next nonfiction submission.
I've been doing a lot of thinking this semester about what I want to do after the MFA. It's a two year program so once I got through the milestone of that first semester, I had to start realizing that I was already a quarter of the way through and should probably give some thought to what to do next. I'm still contemplating applying to Lit PhD programs, but now leaning more toward applying to PhD programs that offer a creative dissertation option OR just taking my MFA and trying to get a fixed term position at Penn State for the standard three years (or possibly four if I could swing it). The one thing I know for sure is that I want to teach. Like I said, my teaching was sometimes the only thing I felt good about earlier this semester, and I've been having a really good experience with this class. I actually had a really good day regarding teaching earlier this week. I'd applied to teach in the LEAP program this summer, and I got assigned to the section I'd requested. It's a section that's paired with a Photography class, so I'm really excited to work with some creative kids and plan cooperative lessons with the other instructor. Later that day, I also got my SRTE scores from fall (the quantified student evaluations) and they made me really happy. So I'm looking forward to an exciting, challenging, fun summer teaching assignment, and I should get to teach creative writing in the fall, and it's incredibly nice to know that at least this one thing consistently feels good and right to me.
*Oh, and to explain the "penalty donut" - a fellow instructor has a rule that if anyone's cell phone goes off in class, that person has to bring a snack for everyone on the next class. A student had to do this yesterday and brought in way too many donuts, so the instructor was giving them away afterward, and I took one home for this morning. I may institute that rule myself in the summer.
So, I am going to do some work now and hope to have a similar day tomorrow and most of the next week - sleep in, coffee, write, run, more work. Rendezvous with M at some point. Other social engagements as they occur. Yay, spring break!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Done :)
Posted an end of semester wrap-up post over at The MFA Chronicles last night, if you want a nice neat summary of the semester.
This morning, M and I went to campus, he printed off his paper, turned it in, then we went for a celebratory lunch of beer and nachos. It was quite a lovely end to the semester, although I already know I'll miss him a lot.
My ankle hurts (drunk me slipped on the ice Friday night), and I still have to turn in grades, then plan my departure from State College, but I'm pretty proud of surviving my first semester of grad school, and it was fun to celebrate it today before M leaves town.
This morning, M and I went to campus, he printed off his paper, turned it in, then we went for a celebratory lunch of beer and nachos. It was quite a lovely end to the semester, although I already know I'll miss him a lot.
My ankle hurts (drunk me slipped on the ice Friday night), and I still have to turn in grades, then plan my departure from State College, but I'm pretty proud of surviving my first semester of grad school, and it was fun to celebrate it today before M leaves town.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Collaboration, Coffee, and the Little Things
That's what's getting me through grad school thus far. I had a really good experience collaborating this evening in the midst of the bad assignment in the class that I have a fundamental philosophical, pedagogical, issue with. We don't need to go into the issues I have with the class, but the important point here is that we have a ridiculous assignment due for next week, which almost no one in the class is equipped to handle. So, I met with three of my classmates this evening, and we worked through it together. I can't say that the assignment was fun, but we all worked very well together, and we all brought very different skills and backgrounds to the table, and I think we got a good handle on it. It was a rewarding experience of collaboration, and another reminder that I really do like the people in my cohort!
Coffee. Kind of self-explanatory. I drink a lot of coffee. I go get coffee with various people when I'm sitting in my office. I while away an afternoon drinking coffee in a bookstore and chatting with someone interesting. I have coffee at dinner time, and I stay up till 1:00am and post blogs ;)
The little things: trips to the wine shop, lunch with friends, kitty cat snuggles, random voicemails from friends, crushes that make life interesting.
Coffee. Kind of self-explanatory. I drink a lot of coffee. I go get coffee with various people when I'm sitting in my office. I while away an afternoon drinking coffee in a bookstore and chatting with someone interesting. I have coffee at dinner time, and I stay up till 1:00am and post blogs ;)
The little things: trips to the wine shop, lunch with friends, kitty cat snuggles, random voicemails from friends, crushes that make life interesting.
Monday, September 28, 2009
MFA Schedule (a reality check)
For anyone who's thinking of doing an MFA to have all sorts of "free time in which to write", allow me to explain how my day went today. This is not at all a complaint. I had a lovely, lovely day.
7:00am Wake up, followed by shower, breakfast, walking dog, etc.
8:34am Get on bus to go to campus
8:45am (approx.) Arrive at campus, drop books off in office, chitchat a little
9:05-12:05 Intro to Graduate Study seminar (with a short break around 10:30 during which I exchanged my coffee for water)
12:05-12:10 or so. Class drags on after it's supposed to be over while Prof. hands back abstracts after reiterating more than once how "charitably" he graded them. (Okay, so I am complaining about the condescension in that comment)
12:10-12:30 approx. Gather up a few people and walk into town for lunch.
12:30-1:30 approx. Try to get Indian food at two different places, one of which is closed Mondays, the other too crowded. Eventually end up eating at Pita Pit. It's delicious. Bitch about the class we just got out of and talk about teaching, and I get to tell the story of the creepy guy at the bar who I yelled at on Saturday night.
1:30-1:45 approx. Walk back to campus to my office.
1:45-3:25 approx. Print about 90 pages of reading off e-reserve, grade the last couple of freshman paper proposals, try to write a poem. Chat with a couple of people. Walk over to the library cafe to get coffee.
3:35-4:25 Observe Paul's teaching per the dictate of our teaching mentor group.
4:40-5:30 Teach my own freshman comp class while Paul observes. Hope he doesn't think worse of me because my students are rowdy.
5:30-5:40 approx. Walk to bus stop and chat with Danielle while waiting for the bus.
5:50 approx. Arrive home. Walk dog.
6:00-7:45 Eat leftover Chinese food, catch up on facebook and email, download an Editing Assignment from the class from this morning, write up my observations on teaching from today,try to make sense of Editing Assignment and get some of it done, before deciding to take a break to blog.
7:45-8:00 Post this blog
8:00-1:30 Foolishly drink coffee. Try to finish poem. Think about my plan for my chapbook. Waste time doing random stuff on line. Write in my journal. Look at poem again and decide it's as finished as it's getting for now. (Edited next day)
7:00am Wake up, followed by shower, breakfast, walking dog, etc.
8:34am Get on bus to go to campus
8:45am (approx.) Arrive at campus, drop books off in office, chitchat a little
9:05-12:05 Intro to Graduate Study seminar (with a short break around 10:30 during which I exchanged my coffee for water)
12:05-12:10 or so. Class drags on after it's supposed to be over while Prof. hands back abstracts after reiterating more than once how "charitably" he graded them. (Okay, so I am complaining about the condescension in that comment)
12:10-12:30 approx. Gather up a few people and walk into town for lunch.
12:30-1:30 approx. Try to get Indian food at two different places, one of which is closed Mondays, the other too crowded. Eventually end up eating at Pita Pit. It's delicious. Bitch about the class we just got out of and talk about teaching, and I get to tell the story of the creepy guy at the bar who I yelled at on Saturday night.
1:30-1:45 approx. Walk back to campus to my office.
1:45-3:25 approx. Print about 90 pages of reading off e-reserve, grade the last couple of freshman paper proposals, try to write a poem. Chat with a couple of people. Walk over to the library cafe to get coffee.
3:35-4:25 Observe Paul's teaching per the dictate of our teaching mentor group.
4:40-5:30 Teach my own freshman comp class while Paul observes. Hope he doesn't think worse of me because my students are rowdy.
5:30-5:40 approx. Walk to bus stop and chat with Danielle while waiting for the bus.
5:50 approx. Arrive home. Walk dog.
6:00-7:45 Eat leftover Chinese food, catch up on facebook and email, download an Editing Assignment from the class from this morning, write up my observations on teaching from today,try to make sense of Editing Assignment and get some of it done, before deciding to take a break to blog.
7:45-8:00 Post this blog
8:00-1:30 Foolishly drink coffee. Try to finish poem. Think about my plan for my chapbook. Waste time doing random stuff on line. Write in my journal. Look at poem again and decide it's as finished as it's getting for now. (Edited next day)
Saturday, September 12, 2009
In Praise Of My Cubicle
Cross-posted on the MFA Chronicles
When I visited Penn State in March, some of the MFAs gave us an unofficial tour of the Burrowes Building, home of the English Department. They showed us some of the seminar rooms where we’d have classes, the library of lit mags and previous student theses, the big poster listing all the student publications, and they showed us the GTA offices. All the MFAs have their offices in a large basement room divided into shared cubicles. It’s fluorescently lit, cluttered, and feels like…well, cubicles in a basement.
I was a little put off. My disappointment was probably because I had the good fortune to be an undergrad a couple of years after the English Department had moved into a brand new building and the grad students at BG had real offices – two (or maybe three) people might share a room, a real room with a door, and they’d each have a desk – on the 3rd or 4th floor, with windows. Those little basement cubes were just depressing!
At the beginning of this semester, it was a little bit annoying to have to schedule my time in the office in cooperation with my cube-mate; there’s only one desk and one computer so we can’t both be in there at the same time. And the temperature regulation in the basement is not the best; it tends to be hot, so people open windows, so then it gets cold. I’ve learned to leave a sweater in my cabinet.
In spite of the fun that I’ve had here in State College, I’ve still felt pretty isolated, particularly during the week. My “previous life” in Columbus was very social: I had a lot of friends, I might go to trivia on a Monday, karaoke on a Wednesday, or just meet someone for coffee or a drink or dinner any day of the week. I seldom went more than a couple days without some sort of social interaction. And here it’s not like that. We are all buried in our work during the week (some people stay buried on weekends) and I might talk to the people in my classes, I might talk to my roommate for 5 minutes here and there, but then I go home and work.
Enter my cubicle. For a few different reasons, I ended up spending more time in my cube this week, and I realized that I would not want a separate office somewhere. I really like seeing people walk by; sometimes they just wave and say “Hi, how are you?” and a few times this week I actually had real conversations with some of my fellow students. It was nice! Just taking a few minutes out of the work day to chat with someone was surprisingly refreshing, and I realized that I love my cubicle. I would imagine the set-up was just designed because of the lack of available space, but it functions to foster community and to help people feel connected to each other.
When I visited Penn State in March, some of the MFAs gave us an unofficial tour of the Burrowes Building, home of the English Department. They showed us some of the seminar rooms where we’d have classes, the library of lit mags and previous student theses, the big poster listing all the student publications, and they showed us the GTA offices. All the MFAs have their offices in a large basement room divided into shared cubicles. It’s fluorescently lit, cluttered, and feels like…well, cubicles in a basement.
I was a little put off. My disappointment was probably because I had the good fortune to be an undergrad a couple of years after the English Department had moved into a brand new building and the grad students at BG had real offices – two (or maybe three) people might share a room, a real room with a door, and they’d each have a desk – on the 3rd or 4th floor, with windows. Those little basement cubes were just depressing!
At the beginning of this semester, it was a little bit annoying to have to schedule my time in the office in cooperation with my cube-mate; there’s only one desk and one computer so we can’t both be in there at the same time. And the temperature regulation in the basement is not the best; it tends to be hot, so people open windows, so then it gets cold. I’ve learned to leave a sweater in my cabinet.
In spite of the fun that I’ve had here in State College, I’ve still felt pretty isolated, particularly during the week. My “previous life” in Columbus was very social: I had a lot of friends, I might go to trivia on a Monday, karaoke on a Wednesday, or just meet someone for coffee or a drink or dinner any day of the week. I seldom went more than a couple days without some sort of social interaction. And here it’s not like that. We are all buried in our work during the week (some people stay buried on weekends) and I might talk to the people in my classes, I might talk to my roommate for 5 minutes here and there, but then I go home and work.
Enter my cubicle. For a few different reasons, I ended up spending more time in my cube this week, and I realized that I would not want a separate office somewhere. I really like seeing people walk by; sometimes they just wave and say “Hi, how are you?” and a few times this week I actually had real conversations with some of my fellow students. It was nice! Just taking a few minutes out of the work day to chat with someone was surprisingly refreshing, and I realized that I love my cubicle. I would imagine the set-up was just designed because of the lack of available space, but it functions to foster community and to help people feel connected to each other.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Prophecy (and some preliminary thoughts on grad school)
I realized this morning when my mother sent me an email saying that my brother had moved to Georgia yesterday that I'd dreamed about that event the previous night. Thinking on it, I had also dreamed about another real event the night before that. I was talking with J online the other day about fall, about this time of year, and how it feels so complex and bittersweet. People, no matter where we live or what we believe, are connected to nature and to the seasons. Some of us more than others, or more consciously, but we all feel it; we feel the days lengthen or shorten. This time of year, we feel the year winding down, the winter (the death) that is coming. The equinox is coming, and Samhain/Halloween/Day of the Dead. The veils between worlds are thinner then than at any other time; past and present, living and dead, "reality" and "unreality" are closer and more entwined, and sometimes overlapping. Things change in the fall. Things end, but more often for me, they begin.
(I will expand that and make it more logical at some point, perhaps, but for now, moving on to an unrelated thought)
First grad class was yesterday morning. It's the Intro to Graduate Study. Intimidating and encouraging at the same time. I thought class went okay; I was afraid I would feel like everyone else was better prepared than I was, but it felt like most of us were a bit overwhelmed, which isn't really a good thing, but it was good not to feel I was the only one. The assigned reading for next week is going to be a chore... Some of it at least. Some should be fun (or fun-ish).
My first day of teaching went well yesterday, and I asked the students to write for ten minutes at the end of class about themselves as writers, their experiences with writing, strengths/weaknesses, likes/dislikes, etc. I just read their material this morning (during my office hour - how cool to be able to say that!) and I must say that I am impressed. I don't know if Penn State really does have higher standards than state schools in Ohio, or if PA high schools are better, or if I just have an unusually skilled section of students, or what, but their writing, even uncorrected, handwritten, in class, is at a higher level than I expected. I am happy! And challenged. Yay!
(I will expand that and make it more logical at some point, perhaps, but for now, moving on to an unrelated thought)
First grad class was yesterday morning. It's the Intro to Graduate Study. Intimidating and encouraging at the same time. I thought class went okay; I was afraid I would feel like everyone else was better prepared than I was, but it felt like most of us were a bit overwhelmed, which isn't really a good thing, but it was good not to feel I was the only one. The assigned reading for next week is going to be a chore... Some of it at least. Some should be fun (or fun-ish).
My first day of teaching went well yesterday, and I asked the students to write for ten minutes at the end of class about themselves as writers, their experiences with writing, strengths/weaknesses, likes/dislikes, etc. I just read their material this morning (during my office hour - how cool to be able to say that!) and I must say that I am impressed. I don't know if Penn State really does have higher standards than state schools in Ohio, or if PA high schools are better, or if I just have an unusually skilled section of students, or what, but their writing, even uncorrected, handwritten, in class, is at a higher level than I expected. I am happy! And challenged. Yay!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Ready As I'll Ever Be
Tomorrow, at 9:05am, I will attend my first graduate class. Tomorrow at 4:40pm, I will teach my first English 15 class.
This is so exciting and scary!
Last week was very busy. I got on the bus at 8:36 every morning and orientation started at 9:00. We were mainly in one particular room; the location of the building was convenient but the desks/chairs in the room were horribly uncomfortable. Not just not comfortable, but truly painful. We had lectures about the Composition program and English department policy, we got course syllabi and rosters and schedules and lesson plans. We heard from faculty and current graduate teachers about how exactly they conduct the first week of classes. We graded some practice papers and spent a whole morning discussing them; by the far the most fun and helpful morning of the week. We had people come in and speak to us about diversity issues, sexual harassment, the Writing Center, the Counseling Center, the Women’s Center. We got a tour of the library and free lunch that day. We spent one morning and a separate afternoon in a computer lab learning about all sorts of technology issues. It was exhausting, mentally and physically.
But we socialized too. Except for the day the library gave us lunch, we were on our own for an hour to an hour and a half, so we got to eat with our classmates, or run errands with them, and just talk and get to know people. Thursday night, two of the other new MFAs and I walked over to the milk and cookie party. All the new MFAs were there and quite a few of the returning ones. We chatted and ate cookies and it was nice and relaxing. Friday night, my roommate and I and our neighbor drove out to a party at one of the faculty member’s houses; there was very good food, and I think all of the new students were there, along with a few returning students and a few other faculty people. Some wine was drunk by me, and much fun was had. Maybe 1/3 of us new folks convened at Mad Mex downtown after the party wound down and enjoyed some more laidback talking and drinking. Saturday was the EGO party. N cooked dinner for my roommate and I, then we went to the party. It was packed and hot and loud and crazy, but less so than the last time I’d been to that house (same house that hosted the first party of recruitment weekend). I got to talk with a few of the older students I’d either not met, or not spoken much with, before; and got to bond with a few of my fellow newbies. Some people got drunker than I had yet seen them, and I got drunker than I had been since moving here, but not too drunk. Four of us were singing along to Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” in the car on the way home though. Fun stuff!
Everyone really is ridiculously nice, and, for a group of academic people, remarkably social. A handful of folks skipped the party last night, but most attended, and I think everyone there had a good time.
Today, I finished prepping to teach for the first week – I have outlines for each day, and I wrote out a full script for Monday and Wednesday, though I may not even refer to them; it was just helpful to write it. And I cooked a big pot of soup so I can eat leftovers this week, and I picked out an outfit to wear for my first day of teaching. I am as ready as I’m gonna get, and I am excited to get started and see how it goes!
I was thinking yesterday that I feel a little bit like I have lost sight of being a student this past week and just thought about being a teacher, but since our orientation was for teaching, that makes sense. I also have not bought my books yet, because I don’t have any money; I’m hoping my financial aid refunds tomorrow, so I can do that. My class tomorrow is Intro to Graduate Study; it goes from 9:05-12:05. Then I’ll eat my lunch (which I’ll pack in the morning), then hopefully go buy books, put them in my office, print out copies of an assignment sheet, pick up the copies of the syllabus that should be in my mailbox, and then spend some time reading for class – I’m assuming that we’ll have a reading assignment from that morning – and/or working on the 1-2 page writing assignment I have due for Tuesday. At around 4:00, I will switch my focus to reviewing for English 15, then get a cup of coffee and head to class. I’ll teach from 4:40 till 5:30 (I’m guess I’ll keep them at least 40 minutes if not the whole 50), then head home.
Tuesday I’m supposed to be in my office from 10:30-11:30, then I have my Writer in the Community class from 12:20-3:20. Wednesday is Poetry Workshop from 12:20-3:20, then office hours, then English 15. Thursday I just have English 602 from 1:00-2:15; that’s our teaching seminar. Friday the only thing on my schedule is teaching in the evening. I like that my schedule is busier early in the week, and freer as it goes on. I need to work in lots of writing time (as I have not been doing much writing recently) and my running time as well.
So, that’s where I am right now, on the eve of my first day as a grad student. I am so nervous and excited for this week, and I just want to get started!
This is so exciting and scary!
Last week was very busy. I got on the bus at 8:36 every morning and orientation started at 9:00. We were mainly in one particular room; the location of the building was convenient but the desks/chairs in the room were horribly uncomfortable. Not just not comfortable, but truly painful. We had lectures about the Composition program and English department policy, we got course syllabi and rosters and schedules and lesson plans. We heard from faculty and current graduate teachers about how exactly they conduct the first week of classes. We graded some practice papers and spent a whole morning discussing them; by the far the most fun and helpful morning of the week. We had people come in and speak to us about diversity issues, sexual harassment, the Writing Center, the Counseling Center, the Women’s Center. We got a tour of the library and free lunch that day. We spent one morning and a separate afternoon in a computer lab learning about all sorts of technology issues. It was exhausting, mentally and physically.
But we socialized too. Except for the day the library gave us lunch, we were on our own for an hour to an hour and a half, so we got to eat with our classmates, or run errands with them, and just talk and get to know people. Thursday night, two of the other new MFAs and I walked over to the milk and cookie party. All the new MFAs were there and quite a few of the returning ones. We chatted and ate cookies and it was nice and relaxing. Friday night, my roommate and I and our neighbor drove out to a party at one of the faculty member’s houses; there was very good food, and I think all of the new students were there, along with a few returning students and a few other faculty people. Some wine was drunk by me, and much fun was had. Maybe 1/3 of us new folks convened at Mad Mex downtown after the party wound down and enjoyed some more laidback talking and drinking. Saturday was the EGO party. N cooked dinner for my roommate and I, then we went to the party. It was packed and hot and loud and crazy, but less so than the last time I’d been to that house (same house that hosted the first party of recruitment weekend). I got to talk with a few of the older students I’d either not met, or not spoken much with, before; and got to bond with a few of my fellow newbies. Some people got drunker than I had yet seen them, and I got drunker than I had been since moving here, but not too drunk. Four of us were singing along to Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” in the car on the way home though. Fun stuff!
Everyone really is ridiculously nice, and, for a group of academic people, remarkably social. A handful of folks skipped the party last night, but most attended, and I think everyone there had a good time.
Today, I finished prepping to teach for the first week – I have outlines for each day, and I wrote out a full script for Monday and Wednesday, though I may not even refer to them; it was just helpful to write it. And I cooked a big pot of soup so I can eat leftovers this week, and I picked out an outfit to wear for my first day of teaching. I am as ready as I’m gonna get, and I am excited to get started and see how it goes!
I was thinking yesterday that I feel a little bit like I have lost sight of being a student this past week and just thought about being a teacher, but since our orientation was for teaching, that makes sense. I also have not bought my books yet, because I don’t have any money; I’m hoping my financial aid refunds tomorrow, so I can do that. My class tomorrow is Intro to Graduate Study; it goes from 9:05-12:05. Then I’ll eat my lunch (which I’ll pack in the morning), then hopefully go buy books, put them in my office, print out copies of an assignment sheet, pick up the copies of the syllabus that should be in my mailbox, and then spend some time reading for class – I’m assuming that we’ll have a reading assignment from that morning – and/or working on the 1-2 page writing assignment I have due for Tuesday. At around 4:00, I will switch my focus to reviewing for English 15, then get a cup of coffee and head to class. I’ll teach from 4:40 till 5:30 (I’m guess I’ll keep them at least 40 minutes if not the whole 50), then head home.
Tuesday I’m supposed to be in my office from 10:30-11:30, then I have my Writer in the Community class from 12:20-3:20. Wednesday is Poetry Workshop from 12:20-3:20, then office hours, then English 15. Thursday I just have English 602 from 1:00-2:15; that’s our teaching seminar. Friday the only thing on my schedule is teaching in the evening. I like that my schedule is busier early in the week, and freer as it goes on. I need to work in lots of writing time (as I have not been doing much writing recently) and my running time as well.
So, that’s where I am right now, on the eve of my first day as a grad student. I am so nervous and excited for this week, and I just want to get started!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Brain Full, Please Sleep
Here is a link to my post on The MFA Chronicles today: http://mfachronicles.blogspot.com/2009/08/on-getting-oriented.html
It's a pretty fair summation of the first two days of orientation. So. Much. Information. Really, just SO MUCH! But it's good info, and I do feel like I could go in and at least get through the first day right now. We'll tackle days 2 and 3 later this week, and talk about/practice grading papers, and so on and so forth.
Tired now though, and going to get everything ready for tomorrow.
The MFAs are having a milk and cookie party on Thursday evening. Friday evening is a party at Dr. Glenn and Dr. Olson's house for all of us who've survived orientation. And Saturday night is an EGO (English Graduate Organization) shindig. So there is fun to be had as well.
It's a pretty fair summation of the first two days of orientation. So. Much. Information. Really, just SO MUCH! But it's good info, and I do feel like I could go in and at least get through the first day right now. We'll tackle days 2 and 3 later this week, and talk about/practice grading papers, and so on and so forth.
Tired now though, and going to get everything ready for tomorrow.
The MFAs are having a milk and cookie party on Thursday evening. Friday evening is a party at Dr. Glenn and Dr. Olson's house for all of us who've survived orientation. And Saturday night is an EGO (English Graduate Organization) shindig. So there is fun to be had as well.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
A Lovely Day (and a bunch of boring details)
Well, I did walk to campus yesterday to get my student ID and set up my computer access and my email account. I actually liked the picture for my ID, which was a nice surprise, as I normally hate the way I photograph. Today I went and picked up the books I'll be using to teach freshman composition. Looked through them a bit this afternoon, and while it's kind of overwhelming, it's also very exciting. I am also desperately waiting for my tuition bill to post so that I can get my student loan money deposited into my checking account; it is this whole involved process where the bill doesn't actually post until after you activate you computer account, and then you have to submit it to the bursar, and then they can't "refund" your loan money until after the first day of classes. Even though I have a tuition waiver, I did request loans this first semester to help with the costs of moving and getting settled and leaving my old job and all of that stuff. I'm broker than I should be right now, but I have a very small paycheck coming next Wednesday (leftover from my job) and then hopefully, if all goes correctly, I'll have the loan disbursed the following week. I'm in no danger of starving in the meantime, but I can't afford to ride the bus, so I guess I'll be walking my first couple days of orientation; it should take about 35 minutes. I timed the walk to Burrowes today (the English building where I picked up my comp books) and it took 37 minutes; Willard, where orientation is being held, is slightly closer.
I actually had a very nice day today. We got our modem delivered this morning and now have real, reliable, internet that actually is intended for our use. I got back from campus around 1:00, I think, baked some sugar cookies, walked to the grocery and got a few things, read for awhile, then went running around 5:45. Had a nice run, for the first time; I don't know if I'm getting used to the hills, or if I just picked a better route this time. I also made a really yummy dinner: pasta with zucchini, chickpea, and tomato sauce. Yum, yum, yum. And lots of leftovers too.
I actually had a very nice day today. We got our modem delivered this morning and now have real, reliable, internet that actually is intended for our use. I got back from campus around 1:00, I think, baked some sugar cookies, walked to the grocery and got a few things, read for awhile, then went running around 5:45. Had a nice run, for the first time; I don't know if I'm getting used to the hills, or if I just picked a better route this time. I also made a really yummy dinner: pasta with zucchini, chickpea, and tomato sauce. Yum, yum, yum. And lots of leftovers too.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Perfect Scent (and other random info)
Haiku from yesterdays Poem-A-Day prompt. It was to write a "clean" poem. I am kind of obsessed with spring right now, so that's why this is the direction I went.
The Perfect Scent
April air is clean
all green and white, the wet browns
of bark, mulch, background
to daffodil notes
hyacinth, dogwood, nameless
sweetness, breathable
refreshing, never
too heavy, only beauty
overpowering.
Monday's prompt was to write about something missing. Mine ended up being about my ex, so I'm not posting it. And today's prompt was to write about routine. I am knowingly bad at routine, and could not come up with anything decent. I put something together, but it's one of those poems this month that I knew would be terrible.
I read on Monday at Poetry Forum Open Mic, after our featured reader Mary Weems. She was really fabulous, a Cleveland lady who came down to read and hang out on a Monday night. Love that! I read two of the new April poems - "Genesis" and the one about Longaberger. Got good responses on both, and had a nice chat afterward with Connie and Steve and Mary. I stuck around the bar after poetry because Stacey convinced me that the music would be good, and it was.
Also, I got my last rejection letter this week, so now all the results are in. They are, in order of the date I remember receiving them....
Penn State - Accepted
Alabama - Rejected
Michigan - Rejected
Minnesota - Waitlisted
Wisconsin - Rejected
Colorado State - Rejected
West Virginia - Accepted
NEOMFA/Cleveland State - Accepted
Columbia College Chicago - Rejected
The Perfect Scent
April air is clean
all green and white, the wet browns
of bark, mulch, background
to daffodil notes
hyacinth, dogwood, nameless
sweetness, breathable
refreshing, never
too heavy, only beauty
overpowering.
Monday's prompt was to write about something missing. Mine ended up being about my ex, so I'm not posting it. And today's prompt was to write about routine. I am knowingly bad at routine, and could not come up with anything decent. I put something together, but it's one of those poems this month that I knew would be terrible.
I read on Monday at Poetry Forum Open Mic, after our featured reader Mary Weems. She was really fabulous, a Cleveland lady who came down to read and hang out on a Monday night. Love that! I read two of the new April poems - "Genesis" and the one about Longaberger. Got good responses on both, and had a nice chat afterward with Connie and Steve and Mary. I stuck around the bar after poetry because Stacey convinced me that the music would be good, and it was.
Also, I got my last rejection letter this week, so now all the results are in. They are, in order of the date I remember receiving them....
Penn State - Accepted
Alabama - Rejected
Michigan - Rejected
Minnesota - Waitlisted
Wisconsin - Rejected
Colorado State - Rejected
West Virginia - Accepted
NEOMFA/Cleveland State - Accepted
Columbia College Chicago - Rejected
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
A very long story of my visit to Penn State
I got on the road at 8:40am on Friday. That's early for me, especially considering that I'd been up since 6:30 to shower, breakfast, finish packing, take the dog for a long walk, and then drive 20 minutes to my friend's house whose car I was borrowing for the drive. It was cold in Columbus, about 35 degrees, but sunny. I was wearing my purple wool coat over jeans, a paisley print knit top and a cardigan, flat shoes, sunglasses. I drove the familiar northeastern path of Interstate 71 for somewhat less than a hundred miles, then took 76 east around Akron and toward the Pennsylvania border. I was listening to P. J. Harvey and thinking of my ex-girlfriend when I stopped for gas. I bought a six pack of bottled water and a Special K bar for a snack. I switched to I-80 before leaving Ohio and stayed on that lovely road for 177 miles. I realized I had not driven that highway since my trip to New York City with my then-fiance in 2002. Stopped for lunch around 12:30 in Clarion, took a nice half-hour break from driving, wrote a bit of a poem. Back on the road around 1:00. It was sunny, it was warm enough that my coat lay across the backseat, I listened to The Refreshments, thinking of college, relished the novelty of cruise control as the car sailed easily up and down hills that turned slowly into mountains, I switched to Tori Amos as I watched the mile markers count up to where I knew I needed to exit. When I turned off the exit for State College, I realized I was really going to be there soon. It was scary. I followed a big blue truck for the 11 miles or so until I turned onto College Avenue, and I drove through town amazed at the number of students around and at the number of businesses catering to them. That strip of College Ave was a lot longer than I'd expected it to be. I turned left on Atherton and followed the signs through the alley to get into the hotels parking garage. It was 2:45pm, so the trip took just over six hours, with a short stop for gas and half-hour lunch. Checked into the hotel and went up to my room, impressed at the niceness of everything. I exchanged the purple coat for my khaki jacket and went out for a walk since I had time before our first event. I walked the streets for an hour or so but didn't venture into campus because I was afraid of getting lost. It felt like any other college town - a combination of Bowing Green (my much-loved undergraduate alma mater), Athens (home of Ohio University), Ann Arbor, the part of Columbus around Ohio State, but bigger than any of them. The density of businesses not only on the main street, but in the sidestreets and back alleys, was more than I had expected. I wandered through a couple of shops, but mostly just walked, getting a feel for the landmarks, and stretching my legs after the drive. I got a cup of coffee and sat and wrote down my impressions for a little while, then headed back to the hotel a little after 4:00. Took a shower, then got dressed. I decided to wear the outfit I'd initially planned for Saturday night because it was a little dressier: black pants with a subtle grey pinstripe, and a jade green ruffled blouse, black boots. The hotel room had two double beds, so I kept expecting a roommate to walk in, but I showered alone and dried my hair alone and put on my makeup alone, and then sat on the bed and watched basketball alone until it was five minutes till 6:00. I took the elevator downstairs; I never did find the stairs all weekend. There were some people in the bar when I walked in, but I didn't know who I was looking for so I stood awkwardly just inside for a few moments, then a girl walked in and asked if I was there for the English department. We talked for a few minutes, and then the director came over and we met him, he gave us our folders with itinerary, nametag, map, etc. The assistant director gave us beer. I met a lot of people in a short period of time. The four of the MFAs who were there managed to find each other quickly, which was nice. The fifth had her plane delayed in Texas and hadn't arrived yet, and the sixth was unable to attend the weekend. There were about around 12-15 MA/PhD students as well, so we were outnumbered but not hugely. After 45 minutes or so there, a couple of current graduate students arrived and walked us over to a house where a couple of current grad students live. We all trooped in, someone took our coats and told us pizza was back in the kitchen. The party is a blur of names and faces and crowds and noise. The house was packed, and it grew hotter and louder as the evening progressed. I met several of the current MFAs in poetry, talked to a fiction writer, a nonfiction writer, some lit and rhetoric students. I had wine spilled on my boots. I ate pizza and some veggies and some pineapple. I answered the same questions about myself a million times, asked different ones of everyone. Everyone was nice, and they seemed genuinely happy with the program. Around 9:00, we started wandering in groups over to campus to an MFA reading. It was in this large impressive building I'd noticed on my walk earlier called the University Club. The room was great, and it was pretty crowded when we got there. Not everyone came to the reading, but all of us MFAs were there, and I think at least a few of the new MA/PhDs. I don't truly remember. It was really cool to see the camaraderie among the students, and their readings were good. The reading ended pretty late, and even though some of the current students invited us out with them afterward, I was so tired that I just went back to the hotel. I don't know if anyone took them up on that offer because it had been a long day for all of us. Got back around 11:30 I think, texted a few people, and watched some more basketball, and went to sleep around 12:30.
On Saturday I got up with the alarm at 8:30 and got dressed more casually for the daytime in nice jeans and v-neck sweater over a lacy top, black flats, ponytail. Breakfast didn't start till 9:30 which made me happy as I am not an early riser. It was held in a very pretty meeting room in the hotel and the food was typical breakfast fare. I ate scrambled eggs, potatoes, and toast, drank orange juice and plenty of very good coffee. We were arrayed around two large tables. I got to sit by the MFA program director and the other prospective poetry MFA (her name is Rachel). Everyone talked around mouthfuls of breakfast, about where we're from, what we do, about Penn State and the surrounding area, about basketball and running and weather and other random things. After everyone had eaten, Dr. Edwards (the Graduate Director we'd met the night before) talked extensively about the program, specifically the PhD. He was both intimidating and encouraging. Then Julia (the MFA Director) talked about that program, and then the assistant director talked a bit about the MA. Some of us had lunches scheduled, so we had to rush out at the end, not sure what, if anything, we missed. Rachel and I met a couple of the current poetry MFAs in the lobby and walked to an Indian restaurant for lunch. All but one of the other current poetry students were there and we had a nice lunch. They are a good group, and we had some decent food and great conversation, then a few of them walked to campus with us, took us through the English building and we got to see the TA offices, then they walked us to our next scheduled event. I think 10 or 12 of the department faculty members were there, and they spoke about their classes and areas of interest, research they were doing, or projects they were involved with. It was fascinating, and again, a little intimidating, and just a dizzying amount of information. Chatted with the fiction professor for a bit afterward, then the four of us MFAs (one wasn't feeling well and had not made it to the session) walked back and talked, and didn't even get lost! Kara and Nick went straight to the hotel, Rachel and I grabbed a cup of coffee and then followed. We'd thought of trying to meet up with the poetry students again but I felt like I'd rather have the downtime than any more information. Got back to the hotel around 4:30 I think, took a shower, then just sat on the bed and watched tv and let my brain rest for awhile, drank my coffee and some water, and then got ready for the faculty party that evening. I wore my tan pants and a pretty black blouse, same black boots. We met our current student guides downstairs around 6:45 and walked to Dr. West's house. It's a beautiful house above the golf course, and it was a lovely night to walk. Commence another blur of faces, names, and conversations. I finally met the other poetry professor (fantastic! loved her!), met someone who once read in Columbus at the poetry series I attend every week, met so many brilliant people, finally got to really talk with the other new MFA whose name is also Emily (she's NF Emily, I'm Poetry Emily). The time went fast, and before I knew it people were getting their coats and leaving. We (the recruits) left in a couple of groups. I was in the last group with Kara and Nick and NF Emily and some MA/PhD recruits. Though we had the option of going out with some current students, I didn't quite feel up to that, but 7 of us decided to get a drink at the hotel bar instead, and ended up staying there until about 1:30. It was a great way to wind down a little after the hectic pace of everything else. I really felt like I connected with a couple people I'd not had the chance to talk with much before, and we had a few beers, and quoted poems and Shakespeare and talked about our pasts and our passions and it was just really great.
Asleep around 2:00, and up for no good reason at 7:00am on Sunday. Laid in bed, trying to go back to sleep, and ended up getting up at 8:00, packed up, drank coffee, and checked out around 9:00. It was another beautiful day for a drive, and the highways there feel like the highways of my childhood trips down to West Virginia, winding through mountains, up and down hills that occasionally pop ones ears, the evidence of their creation scored into the rock that rises above the side of the road... There were a few times on that drive home that I felt like crying, from tiredness mostly I think, but I was also just overwhelmed by the step I was taking. I stopped to visit an old friend for a couple hours on the way home, then chatted with some people once I got back into town, and had to walk down the street to pick up my dog, so it was 7:00pm by the time I was home on my couch relaxing. My brain was so full that I couldn't even put a sentence together on paper for awhile. I got online a bit later, but couldn't compose any sort of narrative of my trip at that point. I've been working on it intermittently at work the past couple days.
The amazing thing is that I feel very strongly that this is absolutely the perfect program for me, and quite uniquely so. The way they are transitioning over to an MFA that really does lead easily to a PhD is so perfect for who I am as a writer and student; not all writers want that or are suited for that, but I am, and the fact that I applied basically at random to a program that is so perfectly set up for that gives me a huge sense that it is meant to be. I didn't know it when I applied, but the more I think about, and the more I heard this weekend, the more I really feel it is what I want. I feel in some ways that the selection committee knew me better than I knew myself when they chose me; they saw things I didn't see, and knew that I would be a good fit. All the reservations I had about the program were very handily put to rest this weekend, although of course I have new worries now. The logistics and finances of moving, and also intellectual insecurity. At 31, I am the oldest of all the recruits( though Kara and NF Emily are 29 and 28 respectively) and I fear that I will come in at a disadvantage, not having the academic things fresh in my mind like the kids who are coming straight from undergrad, but I plan on reading over the summer and trying get myself up to speed. Rationally though, like I told J last night, I can make up for the deficits in my learning much easier than these young brilliant students from Dartmouth and Georgetown and etc can make up for their lack of life experiences.
I officially accepted my offer after letting my brain settle (emailed Julia yesterday, and signed and mailed my offer today), and I declined my other two acceptances. That is the other interesting thing; I got another acceptance on Friday, from the NEOMFA. I didn't feel too bad turning them down right away, but it broke my heart a little bit to tell the director at WVU that I was going elsewhere. I may have even found a place to live out there already, but that's not for sure yet. But I'm really going, and I am so happy to have made my decision.
Go Nittany Lions!
(and now I really should learn what a Nittany Lion is.....)
On Saturday I got up with the alarm at 8:30 and got dressed more casually for the daytime in nice jeans and v-neck sweater over a lacy top, black flats, ponytail. Breakfast didn't start till 9:30 which made me happy as I am not an early riser. It was held in a very pretty meeting room in the hotel and the food was typical breakfast fare. I ate scrambled eggs, potatoes, and toast, drank orange juice and plenty of very good coffee. We were arrayed around two large tables. I got to sit by the MFA program director and the other prospective poetry MFA (her name is Rachel). Everyone talked around mouthfuls of breakfast, about where we're from, what we do, about Penn State and the surrounding area, about basketball and running and weather and other random things. After everyone had eaten, Dr. Edwards (the Graduate Director we'd met the night before) talked extensively about the program, specifically the PhD. He was both intimidating and encouraging. Then Julia (the MFA Director) talked about that program, and then the assistant director talked a bit about the MA. Some of us had lunches scheduled, so we had to rush out at the end, not sure what, if anything, we missed. Rachel and I met a couple of the current poetry MFAs in the lobby and walked to an Indian restaurant for lunch. All but one of the other current poetry students were there and we had a nice lunch. They are a good group, and we had some decent food and great conversation, then a few of them walked to campus with us, took us through the English building and we got to see the TA offices, then they walked us to our next scheduled event. I think 10 or 12 of the department faculty members were there, and they spoke about their classes and areas of interest, research they were doing, or projects they were involved with. It was fascinating, and again, a little intimidating, and just a dizzying amount of information. Chatted with the fiction professor for a bit afterward, then the four of us MFAs (one wasn't feeling well and had not made it to the session) walked back and talked, and didn't even get lost! Kara and Nick went straight to the hotel, Rachel and I grabbed a cup of coffee and then followed. We'd thought of trying to meet up with the poetry students again but I felt like I'd rather have the downtime than any more information. Got back to the hotel around 4:30 I think, took a shower, then just sat on the bed and watched tv and let my brain rest for awhile, drank my coffee and some water, and then got ready for the faculty party that evening. I wore my tan pants and a pretty black blouse, same black boots. We met our current student guides downstairs around 6:45 and walked to Dr. West's house. It's a beautiful house above the golf course, and it was a lovely night to walk. Commence another blur of faces, names, and conversations. I finally met the other poetry professor (fantastic! loved her!), met someone who once read in Columbus at the poetry series I attend every week, met so many brilliant people, finally got to really talk with the other new MFA whose name is also Emily (she's NF Emily, I'm Poetry Emily). The time went fast, and before I knew it people were getting their coats and leaving. We (the recruits) left in a couple of groups. I was in the last group with Kara and Nick and NF Emily and some MA/PhD recruits. Though we had the option of going out with some current students, I didn't quite feel up to that, but 7 of us decided to get a drink at the hotel bar instead, and ended up staying there until about 1:30. It was a great way to wind down a little after the hectic pace of everything else. I really felt like I connected with a couple people I'd not had the chance to talk with much before, and we had a few beers, and quoted poems and Shakespeare and talked about our pasts and our passions and it was just really great.
Asleep around 2:00, and up for no good reason at 7:00am on Sunday. Laid in bed, trying to go back to sleep, and ended up getting up at 8:00, packed up, drank coffee, and checked out around 9:00. It was another beautiful day for a drive, and the highways there feel like the highways of my childhood trips down to West Virginia, winding through mountains, up and down hills that occasionally pop ones ears, the evidence of their creation scored into the rock that rises above the side of the road... There were a few times on that drive home that I felt like crying, from tiredness mostly I think, but I was also just overwhelmed by the step I was taking. I stopped to visit an old friend for a couple hours on the way home, then chatted with some people once I got back into town, and had to walk down the street to pick up my dog, so it was 7:00pm by the time I was home on my couch relaxing. My brain was so full that I couldn't even put a sentence together on paper for awhile. I got online a bit later, but couldn't compose any sort of narrative of my trip at that point. I've been working on it intermittently at work the past couple days.
The amazing thing is that I feel very strongly that this is absolutely the perfect program for me, and quite uniquely so. The way they are transitioning over to an MFA that really does lead easily to a PhD is so perfect for who I am as a writer and student; not all writers want that or are suited for that, but I am, and the fact that I applied basically at random to a program that is so perfectly set up for that gives me a huge sense that it is meant to be. I didn't know it when I applied, but the more I think about, and the more I heard this weekend, the more I really feel it is what I want. I feel in some ways that the selection committee knew me better than I knew myself when they chose me; they saw things I didn't see, and knew that I would be a good fit. All the reservations I had about the program were very handily put to rest this weekend, although of course I have new worries now. The logistics and finances of moving, and also intellectual insecurity. At 31, I am the oldest of all the recruits( though Kara and NF Emily are 29 and 28 respectively) and I fear that I will come in at a disadvantage, not having the academic things fresh in my mind like the kids who are coming straight from undergrad, but I plan on reading over the summer and trying get myself up to speed. Rationally though, like I told J last night, I can make up for the deficits in my learning much easier than these young brilliant students from Dartmouth and Georgetown and etc can make up for their lack of life experiences.
I officially accepted my offer after letting my brain settle (emailed Julia yesterday, and signed and mailed my offer today), and I declined my other two acceptances. That is the other interesting thing; I got another acceptance on Friday, from the NEOMFA. I didn't feel too bad turning them down right away, but it broke my heart a little bit to tell the director at WVU that I was going elsewhere. I may have even found a place to live out there already, but that's not for sure yet. But I'm really going, and I am so happy to have made my decision.
Go Nittany Lions!
(and now I really should learn what a Nittany Lion is.....)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Poetry and Pinkie Swears
Poetry Forum fundraiser on Monday was fabulous. Brought a new friend, who seemed to enjoy the craziness, or maybe she just enjoyed getting me a little tipsy ;) Regardless, it was a good time. Lots of good poets!
I've also been emailing a lot this week with one of the other prospective MFAs at Penn State. She is so freaking cool, I can't wait to meet her! There has been a flurry of emails from the department, and from some current students, trying to organize stuff for this weekend. It is exciting, and I really can't wait to meet everyone. I've got a car lined up (thanks, Jes) and a dog sitter (thanks, LeeAnna) and someone to check in on my kitty (thanks, Laura), and I've started packing. I am trying to figure out what I want to wear.
I finally got the letter from WV that got lost in the mail. Turns out no funding yet, but a "strong possibility" that it will become available. Not sure what that means, or how much it will be if it does become available, but I'm gonna hang in there and try to schedule a visit after they get back from spring break and just check things out.
Columbia started calling people yesterday, and I've not heard anything. Will see about that, I suppose, even though I'm not convinced it would be a good fit anyway. No word from the NEOMFA.
I've done a little writing this week, just short things, nothing finished. And trying to work on this collaborative piece with Stacey and Nathan.
That's about it.
I've also been emailing a lot this week with one of the other prospective MFAs at Penn State. She is so freaking cool, I can't wait to meet her! There has been a flurry of emails from the department, and from some current students, trying to organize stuff for this weekend. It is exciting, and I really can't wait to meet everyone. I've got a car lined up (thanks, Jes) and a dog sitter (thanks, LeeAnna) and someone to check in on my kitty (thanks, Laura), and I've started packing. I am trying to figure out what I want to wear.
I finally got the letter from WV that got lost in the mail. Turns out no funding yet, but a "strong possibility" that it will become available. Not sure what that means, or how much it will be if it does become available, but I'm gonna hang in there and try to schedule a visit after they get back from spring break and just check things out.
Columbia started calling people yesterday, and I've not heard anything. Will see about that, I suppose, even though I'm not convinced it would be a good fit anyway. No word from the NEOMFA.
I've done a little writing this week, just short things, nothing finished. And trying to work on this collaborative piece with Stacey and Nathan.
That's about it.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
A bit of a poem for Sam (but not really)
It's actually for Nathan and Stacey - for our collaboration - but it's based off something Sam told me that Sharona had said in class, that the Italian word "stanza" means room.
If stanza is just another word for room,
I want to know what goes on behind
the closed doors. Does dust collect
on the words you never write?
Also, I got a letter today saying I'm accepted at West Virginia :)
If stanza is just another word for room,
I want to know what goes on behind
the closed doors. Does dust collect
on the words you never write?
Also, I got a letter today saying I'm accepted at West Virginia :)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The Light in Ordinary Things
Poetry Forum last night was good. Two glasses of red wine, read the Minnesota poem, and that little one about Ohio being shaped like a heart, and then read one of Julia Kasdorf’s poems from her book Eve’s Striptease (what a great title!). Stacey and Nathan and I agreed to collaborate on a poem. Still working out a theme and structure, or maybe we already have the structure? Should be fun.
I’ve realized a few things recently. Realized why I’m so low on motivation lately; it’s like I feel somehow that by not doing anything, I can make time stand still, or slow down. I am afraid to be involved in my own life because I am not ready to leave it, the life I know. It’s weird, and it makes no sense, but I’ve been indulging this laziness, this lethargy, and I need to stop. I need to accomplish things, and I need to be present in my life. It’s impossible to stop time; hello, it’s mid-March already, the sun is out, and this is the time of year I love and have been waiting for. The only thing I can do is to be aware of the moments, to keep them in my memory, and my consciousness. I’ve also realized just how much ego I have as a writer, and, conversely, how much insecurity. I am so *offended* that I was rejected by all these schools, my ego thinks I’m better than that, but then it makes me question my acceptance, gives me that imposter syndrome. Such an insane process really, and I will be glad when it’s over. Only three more responses to go, but I’m about 90% sure I’ll choose Penn State, even if I have other options.
So, here is the updated list…..
Penn State - ACCEPTED
Alabama - REJECTED
Wisconsin - REJECTED (got the letter recently, but already knew from the website)
Minnesota – WAITLISTED, and declined (I realized it just couldn’t trump Penn State, and left my waitlist spot to someone who might really choose MN in the end)
Michigan – REJECTED (got the letter last week, as mentioned)
Colorado State – REJECTED (got the letter yesterday, and this is one where my ego is really offended. It’s like “Dude, I got into Penn State, and Colorado is rejecting me? WTF?”)
West Virginia
Columbia College
Cleveland State/NEOMFA
I wrote a poem this afternoon about doing laundry. I read a call for submissions for the Fearless Books anthology called The Light in Ordinary Things today, and I’m doing laundry now, so yeah, that’s the inspiration. I’m not posting it here because it’s kind of about someone who I think might lurk here occasionally.
I’ve realized a few things recently. Realized why I’m so low on motivation lately; it’s like I feel somehow that by not doing anything, I can make time stand still, or slow down. I am afraid to be involved in my own life because I am not ready to leave it, the life I know. It’s weird, and it makes no sense, but I’ve been indulging this laziness, this lethargy, and I need to stop. I need to accomplish things, and I need to be present in my life. It’s impossible to stop time; hello, it’s mid-March already, the sun is out, and this is the time of year I love and have been waiting for. The only thing I can do is to be aware of the moments, to keep them in my memory, and my consciousness. I’ve also realized just how much ego I have as a writer, and, conversely, how much insecurity. I am so *offended* that I was rejected by all these schools, my ego thinks I’m better than that, but then it makes me question my acceptance, gives me that imposter syndrome. Such an insane process really, and I will be glad when it’s over. Only three more responses to go, but I’m about 90% sure I’ll choose Penn State, even if I have other options.
So, here is the updated list…..
Penn State - ACCEPTED
Alabama - REJECTED
Wisconsin - REJECTED (got the letter recently, but already knew from the website)
Minnesota – WAITLISTED, and declined (I realized it just couldn’t trump Penn State, and left my waitlist spot to someone who might really choose MN in the end)
Michigan – REJECTED (got the letter last week, as mentioned)
Colorado State – REJECTED (got the letter yesterday, and this is one where my ego is really offended. It’s like “Dude, I got into Penn State, and Colorado is rejecting me? WTF?”)
West Virginia
Columbia College
Cleveland State/NEOMFA
I wrote a poem this afternoon about doing laundry. I read a call for submissions for the Fearless Books anthology called The Light in Ordinary Things today, and I’m doing laundry now, so yeah, that’s the inspiration. I’m not posting it here because it’s kind of about someone who I think might lurk here occasionally.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
After winter must come spring
Let's see... Monday was Poetry Forum. No comment on the featured reader, but the open mic was interesting. One new person, I think, and some of the regulars, and some peripheral drama from another reading series. I read "Polygon" and "A February Lament". Both read okay though not outstanding. Came home fully intending to do some writing, but couldn't come up with anything.
Also on Monday, I got my rejection letter from Michigan. I actually came home to three envelopes from schools in my mailbox. The Michigan one I'd expected, but then I also had a form letter from the Financial Aid office at Alabama, saying they had received my FAFSA information, but that I was "not yet admitted". Thanks for the slap in the face; I already got rejected once, and didn't need the reminder. And I had a little envelope from Cleveland State that caused my heart to pound and my brain to think in disbelief "They can't have rejected me already, can they?" When I opened it, it was just an updated notification that they had received the transcripts and letters of recommendation that were outstanding. Phew, heart attack averted! Since then, no news.
I'm starting to have doubts about a couple of the programs I've yet to hear from, and starting to think Penn State is just where I'm meant to be, but I'm holding on to possibility and am determined to wait and see all my options before making a decision.
I haven't done any real writing this week - a smidge in my journal, but nothing complete. It's okay though. I'm in more of a reading mode at the moment, and that is okay. The weather is warming up today, and I had a healthy lunch, so I am looking forward to running tonight. I feel pretty even-keeled today, and hoping to keep that for awhile.
Also on Monday, I got my rejection letter from Michigan. I actually came home to three envelopes from schools in my mailbox. The Michigan one I'd expected, but then I also had a form letter from the Financial Aid office at Alabama, saying they had received my FAFSA information, but that I was "not yet admitted". Thanks for the slap in the face; I already got rejected once, and didn't need the reminder. And I had a little envelope from Cleveland State that caused my heart to pound and my brain to think in disbelief "They can't have rejected me already, can they?" When I opened it, it was just an updated notification that they had received the transcripts and letters of recommendation that were outstanding. Phew, heart attack averted! Since then, no news.
I'm starting to have doubts about a couple of the programs I've yet to hear from, and starting to think Penn State is just where I'm meant to be, but I'm holding on to possibility and am determined to wait and see all my options before making a decision.
I haven't done any real writing this week - a smidge in my journal, but nothing complete. It's okay though. I'm in more of a reading mode at the moment, and that is okay. The weather is warming up today, and I had a healthy lunch, so I am looking forward to running tonight. I feel pretty even-keeled today, and hoping to keep that for awhile.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Grad School Update, as of March 1st
My list....
Penn State - ACCEPTED
Alabama - REJECTED :(
Wisconsin - REJECTED according to their website but have not received it through the mail yet :( :( (yes, that's a double sad face, cuz it really was my top choice)
Minnesota - WAITLISTED (but I don't think I would go even if that changed to an acceptance)
Michigan
Colorado State
West Virginia
Columbia College
Cleveland State/NEOMFA
Going to visit Penn State on March 20th, and very excited about that, but really hoping to get more (all????) responses before that date for two reasons, 1) just so I know, and if I don't get another good offer, I can confirm with them, and 2) if I get in to either Cleveland State, WVU, or (miraculously) Michigan, I might stretch out my time off from work so I can visit more than one place around that time....
Poetry Forum tonight. For once I have stuff printed out to read. Not wanting to be at work today. Ready for spring. And ready to just KNOW where I'm going next!
Penn State - ACCEPTED
Alabama - REJECTED :(
Wisconsin - REJECTED according to their website but have not received it through the mail yet :( :( (yes, that's a double sad face, cuz it really was my top choice)
Minnesota - WAITLISTED (but I don't think I would go even if that changed to an acceptance)
Michigan
Colorado State
West Virginia
Columbia College
Cleveland State/NEOMFA
Going to visit Penn State on March 20th, and very excited about that, but really hoping to get more (all????) responses before that date for two reasons, 1) just so I know, and if I don't get another good offer, I can confirm with them, and 2) if I get in to either Cleveland State, WVU, or (miraculously) Michigan, I might stretch out my time off from work so I can visit more than one place around that time....
Poetry Forum tonight. For once I have stuff printed out to read. Not wanting to be at work today. Ready for spring. And ready to just KNOW where I'm going next!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
As if heaven is just a dim and smoky room.....
I had a wonderful, intellectually stimulating, weekend in Cleveland with some old college friends. I didn't realize how stimulating until I started driving home Sunday afternoon and couldn't stop coming up with poem ideas and lines. I wrote a few down when I stopped to get a cup of coffee halfway home. My brain is still buzzing now, and it was so nice to be surrounded by smart people, and to see the way that it helped my creativity; it makes me that much more excited for grad school, and that much more sure that I made the right decision in applying.
However, I am completely saddened that I don't think I got into Wisconsin! They sent a bunch of acceptances out via email yesterday, and I didn't get one, and I am crushed. It just seemed so "meant to be", the way I wrote it on my list before I'd even researched it, and the way I kept seeing that car with the Wisconsin license plates outside my apartment, and the way one of my friends in Cleveland was telling me she knows people out there who'd help me out.... I guess I can't fully count it out until I get the rejection in the mail, but I am quite sad that I don't think I made their cut. I'm starting to wonder if fate is just telling me to go to Penn State, and making the decision easier by not giving me any other acceptances.... I KNOW that I'll be happy at Penn if I go there, and I KNOW it's a good program, and I don't want to downplay either of those facts at all, BUT it's a blow to my ego not to get in anywhere else. I admit that, okay? I have an ego, and it will be really hurt if I only make into one of the nine schools I applied to. Even though it's a good one, and even though they only chose two poets, and even though there are plenty of people who applied to more schools and didn't get in anywhere. I still have that ego, and I still want to feel like I am wanted and valued, and I still want to feel like I have a choice of where to go....
Sigh.....
I'll post a little bit of something that popped into my head on the drive home Sunday:
Ohio
This state
is shaped
vaguely
like a heart
and my life
has flowed
like blood
through all
four chambers.
The title of this post is also a line that occurred to me on that drive, but one which is being worked into a poem.
However, I am completely saddened that I don't think I got into Wisconsin! They sent a bunch of acceptances out via email yesterday, and I didn't get one, and I am crushed. It just seemed so "meant to be", the way I wrote it on my list before I'd even researched it, and the way I kept seeing that car with the Wisconsin license plates outside my apartment, and the way one of my friends in Cleveland was telling me she knows people out there who'd help me out.... I guess I can't fully count it out until I get the rejection in the mail, but I am quite sad that I don't think I made their cut. I'm starting to wonder if fate is just telling me to go to Penn State, and making the decision easier by not giving me any other acceptances.... I KNOW that I'll be happy at Penn if I go there, and I KNOW it's a good program, and I don't want to downplay either of those facts at all, BUT it's a blow to my ego not to get in anywhere else. I admit that, okay? I have an ego, and it will be really hurt if I only make into one of the nine schools I applied to. Even though it's a good one, and even though they only chose two poets, and even though there are plenty of people who applied to more schools and didn't get in anywhere. I still have that ego, and I still want to feel like I am wanted and valued, and I still want to feel like I have a choice of where to go....
Sigh.....
I'll post a little bit of something that popped into my head on the drive home Sunday:
Ohio
This state
is shaped
vaguely
like a heart
and my life
has flowed
like blood
through all
four chambers.
The title of this post is also a line that occurred to me on that drive, but one which is being worked into a poem.
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