Poetry Forum last night was good. Two glasses of red wine, read the Minnesota poem, and that little one about Ohio being shaped like a heart, and then read one of Julia Kasdorf’s poems from her book Eve’s Striptease (what a great title!). Stacey and Nathan and I agreed to collaborate on a poem. Still working out a theme and structure, or maybe we already have the structure? Should be fun.
I’ve realized a few things recently. Realized why I’m so low on motivation lately; it’s like I feel somehow that by not doing anything, I can make time stand still, or slow down. I am afraid to be involved in my own life because I am not ready to leave it, the life I know. It’s weird, and it makes no sense, but I’ve been indulging this laziness, this lethargy, and I need to stop. I need to accomplish things, and I need to be present in my life. It’s impossible to stop time; hello, it’s mid-March already, the sun is out, and this is the time of year I love and have been waiting for. The only thing I can do is to be aware of the moments, to keep them in my memory, and my consciousness. I’ve also realized just how much ego I have as a writer, and, conversely, how much insecurity. I am so *offended* that I was rejected by all these schools, my ego thinks I’m better than that, but then it makes me question my acceptance, gives me that imposter syndrome. Such an insane process really, and I will be glad when it’s over. Only three more responses to go, but I’m about 90% sure I’ll choose Penn State, even if I have other options.
So, here is the updated list…..
Penn State - ACCEPTED
Alabama - REJECTED
Wisconsin - REJECTED (got the letter recently, but already knew from the website)
Minnesota – WAITLISTED, and declined (I realized it just couldn’t trump Penn State, and left my waitlist spot to someone who might really choose MN in the end)
Michigan – REJECTED (got the letter last week, as mentioned)
Colorado State – REJECTED (got the letter yesterday, and this is one where my ego is really offended. It’s like “Dude, I got into Penn State, and Colorado is rejecting me? WTF?”)
I wrote a poem this afternoon about doing laundry. I read a call for submissions for the Fearless Books anthology called The Light in Ordinary Things today, and I’m doing laundry now, so yeah, that’s the inspiration. I’m not posting it here because it’s kind of about someone who I think might lurk here occasionally.