Thursday, September 24, 2009

Reading Saturday, and some random thoughts

The first MFA reading of the school year is this Saturday, and guess what, I am one of the three readers! Yay! I am excited and nervous, but mostly looking forward to the social aspect of the night.

There may be something wrong at some level that I am more excited to see a large group of people in a social setting than I am about my first graduate reading, but I really am struggling with the lack of social interaction here. It's not that people aren't nice; everyone is very nice! And it's not that I don't do *anything* socially, but it is just a very different atmosphere for me. I miss my friends in Columbus, and I miss my easy, comfortable concept of myself. All of that is thrown into question here: am I smart enough? am I talented enough? do I work hard enough? along with other questions of sexual and class identity that I just didn't have to think about after establishing my life in Columbus. Starting over in a new place forces me to re-establish an identity here with a new group of people. It is very much an existential crisis, as someone phrased it yesterday.


Marita Siddal said...

I always watch I <3 Huckabees when I'm having an existential crisis . . .

I think the fact that you're looking forward to the social aspect more than you're sweating the reading provides a sliver of testimony that you really have no cause to question yourself. Somewhere in there, you're solidly assured that you're good enough :)

Though I know what you mean about questions of sexual and class identity . . . I stick out like an severed thumb where I live now!

Emily said...

Thanks, Marita! I don't own "I <3 Huckabees" but that would be a very good thing to watch during an existential crisis!