Goodbye, Poetry Forum! I will remember you fondly!

So I read on Monday, probably for the last time at the Poetry Forum, or at least the last time as a regular. I promised to come back and visit, but a Monday night event is not the easiest thing. It was a really fun night; Nathan's reading was wonderful, and everything seemed to go very well. I had probably one glass of wine too many, but hey, it was a special occasion.

I'm going to PA on Friday, to find an apartment and hang out. Supposed to bring poems to show one of my future fellow students. Nervous about everything having to do with grad school, but excited. I now have a nice bookstore gift certificate to spend and need to make a list of stuff I want to buy. Yay books! And yay roadtrips! And yay poetry! (and to balance that out - boo to annoying coworkers, rainy days, and people leaving without saying goodbye!)

The Art of Work (and some news)

Still keeping up with the PAD challenge, though I haven't written anything super exciting the past few days. This whole experience has been very good for me though. Not only have I really gotten into the habit of writing every day, but it's been good for me to write on some different subjects and to write without feeling like the end result has to be perfect or even good. Going into the Poem a Day challenge, I gave myself permission to write some really bad poems. As long as I wrote something every day, that was okay; I've been trying not to overthink the prompts and just go with whatever comes to mind. Some of the poems have come easily, others I've struggled with. Some I've known were complete crap, but others have surprised me in good ways.

I read two more of these newbies on Monday at the Poetry Forum: "Easter Morning" (the prose poem I referenced but didn't post in its entirety last week) and "White, Through Four Seasons" which I linked to. Got good responses, but they could both use some edits I think.

But here's the big news: I found out on Monday that I won 3rd place in the William Redding Memorial Poetry Competition! It's an annual contest sponsored by the Poetry Forum and Pudding House Publishing. My friend Nathan actually won first place - go Nathan!!! He gets a featured reading at the Poetry Forum in 2 weeks. The 2nd and 3rd place winners also get to read that night in shorter spots, so that'll be exciting!

Anyway, here's today's PAD poem. The prompt was to write a work-related poem.

The Art of Work

When I was young, to be called lazy
was the greatest insult. Like robots
my parents valued efficiency and hard work
at the expense of anything else.
Creativity was unnecessary unless it meant
a new way of cooking dinner or a faster method
of clearing brush or harvesting corn. The arts
were luxuries we could hardly afford.

A working writer is an oxymoron
in my father's eyes. There is no sweat
involved, no dirt, he sees no danger.
I can not explain that art is a blade
turned inward, two-edged and shining,
an artificial intelligence that cuts to the truth
leaving the artist in tatters, sweating
and exhausted after a hard day's work.

The Perfect Scent (and other random info)

Haiku from yesterdays Poem-A-Day prompt. It was to write a "clean" poem. I am kind of obsessed with spring right now, so that's why this is the direction I went.

The Perfect Scent

April air is clean
all green and white, the wet browns
of bark, mulch, background

to daffodil notes
hyacinth, dogwood, nameless
sweetness, breathable

refreshing, never
too heavy, only beauty
overpowering.

Monday's prompt was to write about something missing. Mine ended up being about my ex, so I'm not posting it. And today's prompt was to write about routine. I am knowingly bad at routine, and could not come up with anything decent. I put something together, but it's one of those poems this month that I knew would be terrible.

I read on Monday at Poetry Forum Open Mic, after our featured reader Mary Weems. She was really fabulous, a Cleveland lady who came down to read and hang out on a Monday night. Love that! I read two of the new April poems - "Genesis" and the one about Longaberger. Got good responses on both, and had a nice chat afterward with Connie and Steve and Mary. I stuck around the bar after poetry because Stacey convinced me that the music would be good, and it was.

Also, I got my last rejection letter this week, so now all the results are in. They are, in order of the date I remember receiving them....

Penn State - Accepted
Alabama - Rejected
Michigan - Rejected
Minnesota - Waitlisted
Wisconsin - Rejected
Colorado State - Rejected
West Virginia - Accepted
NEOMFA/Cleveland State - Accepted
Columbia College Chicago - Rejected

Poetry and Pinkie Swears

Poetry Forum fundraiser on Monday was fabulous. Brought a new friend, who seemed to enjoy the craziness, or maybe she just enjoyed getting me a little tipsy ;) Regardless, it was a good time. Lots of good poets!

I've also been emailing a lot this week with one of the other prospective MFAs at Penn State. She is so freaking cool, I can't wait to meet her! There has been a flurry of emails from the department, and from some current students, trying to organize stuff for this weekend. It is exciting, and I really can't wait to meet everyone. I've got a car lined up (thanks, Jes) and a dog sitter (thanks, LeeAnna) and someone to check in on my kitty (thanks, Laura), and I've started packing. I am trying to figure out what I want to wear.

I finally got the letter from WV that got lost in the mail. Turns out no funding yet, but a "strong possibility" that it will become available. Not sure what that means, or how much it will be if it does become available, but I'm gonna hang in there and try to schedule a visit after they get back from spring break and just check things out.

Columbia started calling people yesterday, and I've not heard anything. Will see about that, I suppose, even though I'm not convinced it would be a good fit anyway. No word from the NEOMFA.

I've done a little writing this week, just short things, nothing finished. And trying to work on this collaborative piece with Stacey and Nathan.

That's about it.

The Light in Ordinary Things

Poetry Forum last night was good. Two glasses of red wine, read the Minnesota poem, and that little one about Ohio being shaped like a heart, and then read one of Julia Kasdorf’s poems from her book Eve’s Striptease (what a great title!). Stacey and Nathan and I agreed to collaborate on a poem. Still working out a theme and structure, or maybe we already have the structure? Should be fun.

I’ve realized a few things recently. Realized why I’m so low on motivation lately; it’s like I feel somehow that by not doing anything, I can make time stand still, or slow down. I am afraid to be involved in my own life because I am not ready to leave it, the life I know. It’s weird, and it makes no sense, but I’ve been indulging this laziness, this lethargy, and I need to stop. I need to accomplish things, and I need to be present in my life. It’s impossible to stop time; hello, it’s mid-March already, the sun is out, and this is the time of year I love and have been waiting for. The only thing I can do is to be aware of the moments, to keep them in my memory, and my consciousness. I’ve also realized just how much ego I have as a writer, and, conversely, how much insecurity. I am so *offended* that I was rejected by all these schools, my ego thinks I’m better than that, but then it makes me question my acceptance, gives me that imposter syndrome. Such an insane process really, and I will be glad when it’s over. Only three more responses to go, but I’m about 90% sure I’ll choose Penn State, even if I have other options.

So, here is the updated list…..

Penn State - ACCEPTED
Alabama - REJECTED
Wisconsin - REJECTED (got the letter recently, but already knew from the website)
Minnesota – WAITLISTED, and declined (I realized it just couldn’t trump Penn State, and left my waitlist spot to someone who might really choose MN in the end)
Michigan – REJECTED (got the letter last week, as mentioned)
Colorado State – REJECTED (got the letter yesterday, and this is one where my ego is really offended. It’s like “Dude, I got into Penn State, and Colorado is rejecting me? WTF?”)
West Virginia
Columbia College
Cleveland State/NEOMFA

I wrote a poem this afternoon about doing laundry. I read a call for submissions for the Fearless Books anthology called The Light in Ordinary Things today, and I’m doing laundry now, so yeah, that’s the inspiration. I’m not posting it here because it’s kind of about someone who I think might lurk here occasionally.

After winter must come spring

Let's see... Monday was Poetry Forum. No comment on the featured reader, but the open mic was interesting. One new person, I think, and some of the regulars, and some peripheral drama from another reading series. I read "Polygon" and "A February Lament". Both read okay though not outstanding. Came home fully intending to do some writing, but couldn't come up with anything.

Also on Monday, I got my rejection letter from Michigan. I actually came home to three envelopes from schools in my mailbox. The Michigan one I'd expected, but then I also had a form letter from the Financial Aid office at Alabama, saying they had received my FAFSA information, but that I was "not yet admitted". Thanks for the slap in the face; I already got rejected once, and didn't need the reminder. And I had a little envelope from Cleveland State that caused my heart to pound and my brain to think in disbelief "They can't have rejected me already, can they?" When I opened it, it was just an updated notification that they had received the transcripts and letters of recommendation that were outstanding. Phew, heart attack averted! Since then, no news.

I'm starting to have doubts about a couple of the programs I've yet to hear from, and starting to think Penn State is just where I'm meant to be, but I'm holding on to possibility and am determined to wait and see all my options before making a decision.

I haven't done any real writing this week - a smidge in my journal, but nothing complete. It's okay though. I'm in more of a reading mode at the moment, and that is okay. The weather is warming up today, and I had a healthy lunch, so I am looking forward to running tonight. I feel pretty even-keeled today, and hoping to keep that for awhile.

Grad School Update, as of March 1st

My list....

Penn State - ACCEPTED
Alabama - REJECTED :(
Wisconsin - REJECTED according to their website but have not received it through the mail yet :( :( (yes, that's a double sad face, cuz it really was my top choice)
Minnesota - WAITLISTED (but I don't think I would go even if that changed to an acceptance)
Michigan
Colorado State
West Virginia
Columbia College
Cleveland State/NEOMFA

Going to visit Penn State on March 20th, and very excited about that, but really hoping to get more (all????) responses before that date for two reasons, 1) just so I know, and if I don't get another good offer, I can confirm with them, and 2) if I get in to either Cleveland State, WVU, or (miraculously) Michigan, I might stretch out my time off from work so I can visit more than one place around that time....

Poetry Forum tonight. For once I have stuff printed out to read. Not wanting to be at work today. Ready for spring. And ready to just KNOW where I'm going next!

Poetry is not a warm and fuzzy thing

That's a misquote from a student of Richard Hague's. He read at the Poetry Forum Monday night, and passed out a little broadside of poems inspired by his high school students afterward. One of them used a quote from a student, which was to that same effect, but I don't remember the exact words.

He was a good reader, and he read a few uncomfortable poems, which liberated me to read an uncomfortable poem. I posted a draft here awhile back. It's called Playing Dead and is inspired by something that really happened in my hometown shortly after I had gone away to college. The story has haunted me for years. I'd never read it aloud before, and wasn't too sure about reading it then, but I got a great response, and it read really well. It still makes me cringe a little, the story of it, but as a poem, it seems to have value.

I'm not sure how I feel about the value of making art from horror and violence, except as a way of encompassing it within our minds. But is that art, or is it therapy? Can it start as therapy and become art through revision and a certain distance?

Another Monday night

passes with red wine and poems. David Baker read at the Poetry Forum; Ann Townsend was our scheduled reader but wasn't feeling well, so he filled in. As he put it good-naturedly: proof that ex-husbands are good for something. He read a couple of the same poems I heard him read last year, but mostly different ones, and I enjoyed his reading a lot, even though I'd been curious to hear her. Open Mic was good, almost without exception. I read a second draft of that "Miracle" poem I mentioned the other day. I think it's going to be a poem I end up liking a lot. Was also going to read something out of The Best of Best American Poetry 1988-1997 - Anthony Hecht's fantastic villanelle Prospects but hadn't had a chance to read it aloud and felt like I would mess it up, so just read my own poem. Came home, wrote a partial first draft of something I'd thought of last week, and tried to write the poem I threatened to write on Friday (making fun, a bit, of the lead singer of a band we were watching).

Waiting, sometimes patiently, for any answers from grad schools. I heard that Penn State has notified nonfiction and fiction people, but so far no poetry acceptances.... And, as of yesterday, the English department at Cleveland State hadn't received the material I mailed the end of January. That's a bit worrisome, as it included my recommendation letters, which I can't just print off another copy of, but the woman I spoke with didn't seem too concerned; she seemed to think that it was on campus somewhere but hadn't made its way into her hands yet. Quite possible, I suppose, and I can't worry too much about it right now.

Let's Rumba

If I haven't mentioned before, the Poetry Forum moved to the Rumba Cafe from its previous home at Larry's. I miss Larry's, but I think the new venue will work out fine. Monday's reading was interesting, in that the scheduled featured reader couldn't make it, so we just had a really long Open Mic. It was cool though, because everyone signed up, and we ran through the list once and everyone read two poems. I read an old (very sad) one from my senior year of college called "There Are No Bad Fridays" and then a short, fluffy one I wrote at Larry's which doesn't have a title yet. Then we went through the list a second time and everyone got to read one more piece. I didn't have anything else of my own that I wanted to read, so I read Stephen Dunn's "Desire" which is one of my favorites.

I've started writing three different poems this week. One is based off my misreading of a title of something Stacey posted recently. Her title was "Lament for a Modern Danae" which I read as "Lament for a Modern Dance" so that is the poem I am writing. I also did a list poem called "This Heart" which was more of an exercise in catharsis than poetics. And I wrote a draft of a poem I'm calling "Miracle". It starts something like....

Not every step breaks through.
I can walk for yards on water
albeit frozen.